Dude, this is my blog.

Okay. Thought I would have more time to write this post. But my train leaves in half an hour, and I have to pack, so no. I’m only taking the train into town, it’s a nine minute ride. When you say you’re gonna take the train, plus packing, it sounds like you’re going away for longer than just to spend the evening at a friend.

I have no idea what I’m doing posting this. This is nothing, just me babbling. Worse than like.. me babbling in every other post I write on this goddamn weird blog. Anyhow and way, I now want to formally inform you of something important. My iPod is broken. It’s taken one of it’s breaks from me, at least. This is the longest one this far in our.. what is it? 5 year long relationship? No wonder she takes breaks from me. I can’t even remember how long we’ve been together. And I took a long break from her as well. With my new iPod. But then he got stolen, and here we are again. I should go apologise. Yes. Bye.

Since I like book posts as much as I do, I figured that hey, I should make one. There’s this site that I love, it’s norwegian, but in english it would be called Booklovers. And you can just find books and make lists of them (I know, right, lists, says it all right there) over books you’ve read, and books you want to read, and books you’re reading and whatever, it’s amazing.

I’ve got about 160 books on my profile now. About 100 of them is books I want to read. Yes. I’ve got to get to the library. Anyways, the pictures here is some of the books I’m looking most forward to read. (You don’t want to know the time it took me to get those pictures about right, with a slow connection and whatnot.)

So, you’d think that when you don’t go to school, and don’t have a job, and basically just don’t do anything during the day, it’d pretty much be the same whatever city you’d do that in.

Only it’s not.

I’m in Stavanger now, been here for nearly two weeks. And there’s nothing wrong with it. The first week I was too sick to go back, and this week my mom is too sick for me to go back.

I’m just bored. Well, not really. But kinda. I’m gonna go make some coffee now. Because coffee is the best boredom-fighter in the entire universe. But not really.

I was gonna write something not completely boring, but all I’m coming up with is the fact that I woke up with spots on my face today. More than fucking one. I somehow imagine that that’s worse for people that are completely unprepared for spots, because they never really have them. And now I’ve got many. I don’t know what tooo doooooooooooooo. Heeeeelp meeeeeeeeeeee. KSJDB. SJHFB.

I hated my profile when I was younger. Can’t really see what there was to hate with the force that I hated it now. Guess it just was one of those “I’m growing up so I HAVE TO FIND SOMETHING TO HATE RIGHT NOW I SAID RIGHT NOW DAMNIT!!!11!!!!11!”

Yeah. Song for  today: Running Down – Michelle Featherstone

I feel completely failed. When you find yourself disliking the first summer sun, there’s something wrong. I actually get mad when I see the beautiful weather. It’s ridiculous. I should be enjoying it, like any and every other person. Instead I’m sitting inside, in bed, seeing the sunny weather and wanting it to go away.

If I can’t appreciate the sun, I don’t want it to be there. It’s okay to not be able to go outside when it’s grey and rainy, but when the weather is this beautiful it really sucks. I wish I had a switch that could just turn of all my anxiety.

Sometimes I think it would be nice to just go away. Leaving everything and everyone. Try to be something else. Not keep being stuck. Live as a homeless, walk unfamiliar streets, seeing only strangers faces, getting into situations you never thought you could be in.

Being stuck isn’t much fun. But being a homeless probably isn’t either. It somehow seems nice though. I have to be one of the few who envy homeless people.

Or to just walk around, finding a library, talking to people who don’t know who you are or how you’ve lived before. Working at a foodstore, getting involved with something you care about. Helping to save something or someone, forgetting who you are for some time. Or finding yourself.

I think there’s a reason I’m not blogging much these days. I can’t keep the light tone up for that long.

Of course it’s a fantasy, I couldn’t do it. Saying that makes it so much more tempting. But I have to much too lose as it is, too much I could never leave. Somehow that doesn’t seem good either. I’m kind of stuck in between, not getting anywhere.

I want to see Mr. Nobody again. I miss that movie on a daily basis.

I have to say again, it’s a sad fantasy. My problems wouldn’t go away simply by running. They’ve chased me so far, and will chase me for some time to come. But it seems so much easier. Just deleting yourself, starting out from scratch, whole and unshattered.